pattttttttttttt!!!!!!

He is on my side(:

2011-07-21T01:21:00.003+08:00

its amazing how time flies and how so much has change im just glad im at peace with it all.

peace.

for the many troubled people who asked me questions i just couldnt answer.

2011-04-29T01:06:00.004+08:00

recently so many of my friends are facing problems about relationships and everyone's been asking me or sharing their problems with me. so i guess this is one of those things i know i can share with them. something ive learnt from camp and something i learnt from B,J,D and L.

there will come a time where He takes away the things we want most because He wants us to surrender it to Him. and if we think that the pain we feel is so great because He removes what we want more than HIM. then i beg you to think back to that faithful day where God forsake His own SON for someone such as us. no PAIN was greater. surrendering what we want most will hurt, but take comfort in knowing that God, the big guy up there has a greater MORE perfect plan for us. and in that plan He would definitely have wrote in someone for you to share this journey with. at the end of the day, prayers will be answered and there will be joy in our hearts.

HOWEVER Gods love isnt a transactional love. you dont do something and expect God to do something back for you. you dont go to church and expect that you are save. you dont just say that you believe in him, or just become a Christian because you are afraid of HELL. because thats just not how it works. Gods love is so much greater and His mercy are never ceasing. but you need to go to him with the right heart.

the best example i can give is what a friend shared during camp

" EVEN IF YOU ARE IN HELL AT THE END OF THE DAY, YOU HAVE TO BEND THE KNEE BECAUSE TRULY HE IS WORTHY, NO ONE ELSE IS MORE WORTHY TO BE PRAISED THAN HIM!''

to CHARMMY DEAREST.

2011-04-25T20:07:00.002+08:00

life struggles are given to us not to beat us down and be trampled over. but to build us up and to prepare us for the future. things may be tough and you may feel like giving up but the fact of the matter is. you shouldnt. trust in the maker who made you, you, and trust that He will deliver you through it all. He will never leave you in times of trouble He will never let you face uncertainties alone. but instead He will hold your hand and walk you through them. trust in the Lord and know that with every difficulty you face He has had worst. our little problems cannot compare to the pain and suffering he went through for us. and by that alone rmb that He loves you. He loves you thats why He has obstacles for you. NEVER lose sight of God and pray, pray to Him.

So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.

Luke 11:9

HE WILL NEVER DESERT YOU!

have faith.

EVERYTHING IS IN HIS HANDS AND EVERYTHING WAS PERFECTLY PLANNED BY HIM.

2011-04-25T19:42:00.003+08:00

so firstly im back from camp, and im so thankful for all the lessons that i've learnt. secondly im really happy with all the fellowship that we had with each other. proud of the younger ones bonding together as well. ahaha its really a good thing. it feels nice to watch them all bond together as well.

lots of personal problems but its okay, B, D, J and L . we're all facing problems and we're all praying for each other and i guess we're just thankful we have each other. everyone's maturing and growing in the Lord, providing comfort and a helping hand when needed. its a comfort i dont think i'll ever know how to express. hahah but it is a good feeling(:

quiet time everyday seems to be more and more comforting.

WAS IN SCHOOL TODAY TRYING ON GRAD ROBES! i swear i couldnt stop saying "GRADUATE LIAO! GRADUATE LIAO!" hahha the mates thought i was nutty but it really is a DAMN good feeling! HAHAH definitely going to miss the peeps, but we're stay in touch. we have too. HAHAH i love them too much to just MOVE on without them.

YES YANA AND AMEERA IM TALKING ABOUT YOU! HAHAH

girl bonding time with them rocks.

who can i ask to play for me, right now i can think of amos which is kinda weird considering i dont talk to him much. but maybe i shld make an offer! hahaha

He is the Almighty.

2011-04-14T21:11:00.002+08:00

WHO WOULD HAVE GUESSED?

2011-04-07T13:10:00.000+08:00

taken from one of my post in 2009

in this fast pace world, where its a dog eat dog world. to strive for excellenc and survival is hard to kick out of one's system. the mindset to do what you want instead of what's right. we question ourselves. are the choices we make and the decision chosen, what we want or whats right. how do you tell what's right anymore?

wisdom tooth!

2011-04-06T23:07:00.003+08:00

my mouth hurts, my mouth hurts, my mouth hurts. my mouth hurts, my mouth hurts, my mouth hurts.

my mouth hurts)):

WISDOM EXTRACTION IS NOT FUN, NOT FUN AT ALL.

WHEN WILL THE BLEEDING STOP):

PAIN):

MARINA BARRAGE - VIVO CITY((:

2011-04-06T00:31:00.010+08:00

IT WAS PRINCESS ESTHER'S BIRTHDAY(:

ALL THE PEOPLE PRESENT!!

JOHNSON

HAOXIN

RYAN

AMEERA

ILYANA

LOUIS

JASSHIMA

AND THE PRINCESS((:

WE WENT KITE FLYING!!

heh pretty kites!!

talk about pretty people! check them out! HAHAHAH

of course a photo with the birthday girl!! i just dont understand why i tilted my head up! LIKE SPASTIC LIKE THAT! HAHAHAH

i love this girl! hahaha my other half! hehheh! plus THE FIRST PHOTO THAT I TOOK BY MYSELF! PROUDDDD((: but then again i dont want to take too much, later become some zilian person. EWWW SO GROSS. hahah

BEST PICTURE EVER!! WE ALL LOOK SO GOOD. KUDOUS TO LOUIS, you did a good job, us girls we will not rape you! hahaha

hahah boys plus yana! hahah always trying to do some modelling boyband shot! tsk tsk!

and of course my class boys are just SOOOO 'AIMEI' YOU KNOW! ahahah always acting cool and acting cute! hahah always trying to go 'prawning' tsk tstk,

seriously johnson, you really can make a modelling portfolio with all these photos that we have of you! its like a back up career plan for you! johnson the model! hahahah

ryan.... i have nothing to say about ryan! HAHAHAHAHA

AND HOW CAN I FORGET THE PRETTY AND SUPER PHOTOGENIC DARLING OF MINE! AMEERA! hahah

she is single and available!

hahah whoops, dont kill me ameera!!!

AWESOME TIME WITH THE PEEPS TODAY, I HOPE THERES MORE TO COME(:

and YES, I AM trying to sell you AMEERA(:

peace(:

MAYBE IF I CROSS MY FINGERS.

2011-04-04T23:19:00.003+08:00

somethings been bothering me, ive been outcasting alot of people who are in my life. and i donno why i do that. i like having friends, i like having people to hang out with. i just dont want to talk to people now. I AM SUCH A CONTRADICTION. sighhh.. it is a problem right now. i made it a problem. acting like a total bitch to the people who care about me.

whatever it is that is bothering me, i need to get it out of my system and i need to get it out now.

kits flying tmr, hope for the best.

superCUTE BOYS(:

2011-04-03T22:59:00.003+08:00

ENOUGH TO MAKE ME SMILE.

A LITTLE SOMETHING SOMETHING.

2011-04-03T20:37:00.013+08:00

its been awhile, busy busy busy with so many events happening at the same time. so many choicest left for the ones who never knew what they wanted. im stuck. i donno how to move forward, and as i watch my peers moving on without any doubts on what they wanna do. i just feel a little caught in the motion.

but bleahghsshfjdashf

fastforward

church was pretty awesome today i was at wilkie cause my dad was speaking there. awkward start with him but it turned out REALLY great at the end. i miss him while he was busy, though i'll never say.but it was a good day. haha another camp coming up. this time round with the people i know that will love me no matter what.

rewind/

class chalet was pretty awesome, it was so super slack and i was a major bitch sometimes but it was still fun.the company was awesome, loved the girls, i love my 2 gay boys. and guitaring was just really heaven. it was pretty cool trying to stay in touch with all these peeps.

THE PEOPLE

THE ENTERTAINMENT

hahah just watched the cutest thai show ever! and the leads are really pretty awesome looking just that their voices sound really~hahaha wow sweet sweet show(:

a few weeks back a friend of mine passed away, i didnt believe it at first, thought it was a prank. when it actually sinked in, it hurt for awhile. talked to a few friends before feeling better. well i learnt something that day, its important to rmb that life is precious its fragile. you should never take things or people for granted. you think you'll always have them in your life but truth be told you really donno when you're gonna lose them. hold on to who you have in your life, they all mean something to you.

TREASURE THE PEOPLE AROUND YOU.

a little bit of everything.

2011-03-10T19:35:00.003+08:00

meeting up with the 3po1 kids yesterday was really fun, working together with elaine and nessya is always so entertaining. hahah eh elaine i know you're reading this!! it was pretty awesome having them ard laughing and bitching and talking nonsense(: don surprised us when he said he wanted to take a photo with us! It made us laugh so much and probably the best memory we have out of the whole day(: The girls were pretty interesting when they were asking abt certain things, guess there is nothing to hide anymore. aiya it cant be help if things really did change. but whatever its not important anymore.

dinner with the gang was pretty fun, we can really really laugh abt anything and as long as nessya and elaine are around OMG i think the laughter will never end ahaha, cant wait for the chalet. though im only looking forward to the company not really the activities. ive become boring):

lots of activities this whole month and im been a total bitch to some people need to 'jian tao' abit but theres so many people to please and so little of patience left in me to do that. 20 years old already, time to just relax and be who you wanna be right.

road to self discovery- lose friends - check!

whats next.....

oh i almost forgot, DON ANG actually requested for a photo with us! that has not SO NOT SINKED in my brain yet. NOPE not yet. HAHAHAHA

A

2011-02-25T00:26:00.002+08:00

SOME PEOPLE JUST HAVE FACES THAT LOOK LIKE ----

AND DAMN YOU LOOK LIKE ONE.

i really dislike you, like really really dislike you.

im so glad i wont have to see you anymore.

LITTLE BOYS AND GIRLS

2011-02-24T19:46:00.002+08:00

so im finally done with my fyp((: talk about happy people dancing ard me! hahah the final presentation went well i guess((: everyone was looking fine and we all had fun cheering everyone else along. so well done 3p01 im gonna be right here where we left all. like at the beginning, im really gonna miss every single of you. to the ones who changed along the way, i wished we could have caught up with your changes. but all your lies have just built up a web and we just dont like you anymore/:

out with swine yesterday we had an awesome time cause we missed doing all that when we were both stressed out over our own things. so we had lots of fun, just that i hate it only comes when he has troubles. and i had seeinghim troubled it makes me so stressed out. its a horrible feeling, like really horrid. out with ong and choo i miss ong, hate that they both do stupid things that make me SO MAD! my 2 boys drive me absolutely crazy you know that. but i cant help it i guess, i love them both.

AND THEY SO TAKE ADVAVNTAGE OF THAT. ASSHOLES

give that bitch a slap.

2011-02-14T00:28:00.002+08:00

its been awhile, since i updated this. fyp is so draining, it feels like there is never enough time for anything to be truly completed. and when you stop to take a look around you see people stressing over things like, the color. LIKE HELLOOOO~ ours isnt even done yet, could you TRY and have a little consideration. i mean like if you cant then just bug off, you're not helping and you whinning is really really annoying.

honestly, just STFU and GAL cause we really just DGAS.

hate that they dont have to do much except for sanding. why is it so damn unfair. they practically just do 1 thing, and the work comes out perfect. for god sake, they dont even have to be in school for the work to come out. enlighten me on the fairness of that please. lecturers you need to find a way to moderate that. raymond is not getting any younger.

seriously.

i really should stop grumbling. but it sucks, working away everyday for smt that they didnt even have to lay a hand on.

so from today, the menu would be cereal and instant noodles(: SHLD BE INTERESTING.

PRAY ITEMS.

GOSPEL outreach
fyp
youths from changi bonding with wilkie
B & D
C
S & B
strength

hahaha thats alot of things on my mind. and i dont think ill be able to go for bible study this tuesday/: BAD BAD.

LESSON TAKEN AWAY, everything is in his hands. he has a plan for us all. and we should just stop worrying.

panel2!

2010-12-27T16:12:00.002+08:00

you look at all the pretty girls, and you envy them for all their beauty and all the admiration they get when they walk down the street. but if you wipe away that make up and you look at her for her. you'll see she's just as lonely, as sad, and as simple as you and me. but no one , no boy ever looks at a simple girl and gets blown away by her beauty or her grace. guys just dont get it, when their 15 or 17 or 21 they just assume that as long as she beautiful on the outside she has to be on the inside.

but they're wrong. they have to fall in love with them, get hurt have their pride be teared down before they run to their nearest female friend who always ALWAYS happens to be the plain jane with no outer beauty for comfort. and he'll always say the same things, why wasnt she beautiful on the inside, why was she such a bitch, why did she have to lie to me. and the plain jane always sits there being attentive understanding and kind to everything he needs. BUT HE NEVER REALISES THAT THE KIND OF GIRL HE WANTS IS JUST NOT THE KIND OF GIRL HE IS REALLY GOING FOR.

sleepy....now.

christmas and i just dont feel it):

2010-12-27T00:03:00.003+08:00

its christmas time, been out with loads of people.

church(:

charles and gary(:

choo, jessie, marc, chen (:

parties every single night. and the christmas present i got was my computer dying on me. i have absolutely no idea why. but it did. sigh. now im stucked doing assignments hoping and praying that they dont die that quickly.

the only question ringing in my head would be,
choo: pat are you okay? you seem very different and weird.

christmas

2010-12-23T09:23:00.002+08:00

all i want for christmas is to forget (:

school's been so hectic i dont think im gonna celebrate christmas at all anymore): and all the plans i have for christmas with the boys, i cant attend. its a sad time):

another day.

2010-12-20T17:00:00.002+08:00

maybe in another lifetime you'll see me watching and waiting for you to come back, but right now im just here to assist and to wish that they give you all the happiness that i could have given you instead.

MISS A AND MISS I

2010-12-19T00:20:00.002+08:00

ill probably get scolded by the girls if they knew i was thinking abt the past. but hahah its cool. its not the same as last time. this time round. hahah i have to say i fucking love my girls(: was just looking through gf's blog. hahaha and she posted this FOR ME! haha when my life was in a shit ditch because of some dude.

LET'S TRY TO RELIEVE ONESELF. (WEDNESDAY, MAY 12, 2010 / 10:29 PM)

"I don't like the way how she's being treated. It's heartbreaking to know

what she has gone through and all he did was to magically appear

and then vanish whenever he like. I hate you."

"If he's a magician, he must be good at it. If he's someone you're dating,

he's a bloody swine."

I don't get it when someone wants to be so discreet about their

relationship. If you have no confidence in telling people

you're with a person why bother being together in the

first place?

If you think you can always rely on that person, make full use of that

the other party, letting her go when you feel like it then grab hold of

her back when you regret doing - What's the use of trying to apologize

EVERY SINGLE TIME when you know you will be repeating the same

mistakes over and over again?

What do you take the other party for? A cushion? What's the selling

price if any? What profits you get? She's not a water source that

gives free flow of water (tears). She's not a doll you can

toy around with.

Is your humanity being sealed? Do you even have feelings in the

first place? Do you or do you NOT know that every single time

you did that to her she feels so vulnerable in the inside but kept

growing strong on the outside?

DO YOU KNOW SHE CONCEALED HER PROBLEMS, APPEARING

HAPPY WHEN WE ASKED? Acting as if she is alright with everything

when you know it's hurting so much inside.

If someone LOVES YOU TO DEATH, appreciate.

If you don't want it to happen in the first place, don't be. You're

not a fucking VELCRO FOR GOD'S SAKE! IF MAGNETIZING

AND DE-MAGNETIZING WAS THAT EASY, MY ADVICE

TO YOU IS TO LIVE ALONE.

YOU DON'T DESERVED TO BE LOVED BY ANYONE AT ALL.

You're an irritating specimen and I wonder why you ever existed

in the first place.

People are tired of the same situations. This is not a drama.

You know there ain't any happy endings when it comes to you.

I will NEVER EVER bump my fist with you ever again and

I will NEVER EVER act normal when I bump into you.

If my stares aren't scary enough, wait until you see me get REALLY

angry.

ONE LESS LONELY GIRL. ( / 12:55 AM)

No one deserves to be treated that way.

You, my girl. You have to start eating. The appetite's gone

all because of him, but don't you think it's not worth it

trying to starve yourself because of what took place?

He's not coming back. Even if he will, A and I would

DEFINITELY go against it and you can see us

ignoring you. We tried telling you that.

One word. Love got hold of you way too much it's

controlling you.

I want to be a good friend. I don't want to nag.

Sometimes when you start telling me all this, you

started to breakdown, I just don't know what to

say. I have that hatred, that anger. We told you.

I got so upset when you told me you got together back.

I knew from the start, that happiness wouldn't last.

But you were so contented last week, I couldn't bear

to add or conclude anything.

You need some time alone.

It's unhealthy to fake your smiles and your laughters.

Shit happens.

That aye-hole have no reason to live at all. No matter how

much you love him (or used to, or even forgave him for

being SUCH A BASTARD) I will still blacklist him.

If you try to do anything silly like what you've

mentioned today, I am not going to mourn for you.

You're not M.T the second and I don't see the

point in trying to harm yourself just because of

one fucktard.

YOU NEED TO GET A LIFE.

(In case you're reading this : You can choose to agree or disagree with me.

You can choose to hate me, even. I admit I know nothing about the

relationship and I am just giving my view as an outsider.

i swear nor ilyana is like the bestest girl friend or sister or ANYBODY you could ever fine. she stands up for you! she's the best! and i she knows it(: THANKS BABE!

ameera you too! you totally rock my world.

age of reasoning.

2010-12-18T15:20:00.005+08:00

i just dont believe in anything anymore.

well i dont understand why its so hard to find someone who can just see me for me and forget that im fat and ugly for awhile.

alex watson so freaking cute.

2010-12-17T08:37:00.002+08:00

whattttttttt

2010-12-14T22:28:00.001+08:00

JUNE =FINEASS
Fun to be with. Loves to try new things. Boy/girls LOVE you. You are very hott. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takesrep pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people’s feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. spazzy at times.Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover. Repost this in the next 5 mins and your reputation will boost someway in the next 12 day

DISTANCE FOR HEALTH.

2010-12-14T21:15:00.004+08:00

so when he said those words to me, it hurt. but i cant tell him, cause i cant ruin his happy moments. im just really happy that everything is finally going well for him. so all my emo shitz has gotta DISAPPEAR. im just gonna keep it all in and not drown him with my drama. he wont be able to help any way.

SO NO DRAMA

gonna distance myself from him now, cause emo is infectious and that boy just doesn't really think when he speaks. so pretending it never occurred and it doesn't exist is the best way to handle it all. so pat just SMILE like you mean it.

talking to you today was an unexpected surprise.

the exception from the rule.

2010-12-14T17:03:00.004+08:00

Every movie we see, and every story we're told, implore us to wait for it. The third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love the exception to the rule. But sometimes we are so focus on finding our happy ending we don't learn how to read the signs. How to tell the ones who wants us from the ones who don't. the ones who'll stay from the ones who'll leave.

And maybe this happy ending doesnt include a wonderful guy, maybe its you, on you own picking up the pieces and starting over. Freeing yourself up for something better in the future maybe the happy ending is just moving on.

And maybe the happy ending is this, knowing that through all the unreturned phone calls and broken hearts, through all the blunder and misread signals through all the pain and embarrassment you never ever give up hope.

He's just not that into you.

maybe

2010-12-14T16:47:00.003+08:00

there's just this part of me that i don't understand.

i just don't understand why it happens,

and why it happens to me?

why it always happens to me?

maybe its cause im easy,

maybe its cause my heart is easy.

maybe its cause i love to easy.

may you rot in hell and disappear.

EMMA CRAZE.

2010-12-14T14:50:00.002+08:00

pretense.

2010-12-10T23:42:00.002+08:00

seriously why are you talking to me.

WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO ME WHEN YOU KNOW IT HURTS ME MORE THAN IT HURTS YOU.

GO AWAY PLEASE.

dont talk to me.

its taking all my strength to pretend that i dont care that im not jumping for joy.

I WANT MY GIRLS!!

2010-12-10T23:05:00.004+08:00

sigh i miss yana and ameera ): its a strange feeling cause they've always been there. and now we're all at different places. SIGH.

ITS HARD TRYING TO BE THE SAME PERSON YOU USE TO BE.

i want to be the same as i use to be before i was this person, i don't want to be all quiet all of a sudden its not me at all. SO NOT me. i feel my heart crashing and i feel the happiness changing. i want to be happy! i want to be cheerful and crazy.

IT HURT SO MUCH JUST NOW, I HAD TO LOCK IT ALL UP JUST TO THINK.

its over, OVER.

2010-12-10T14:15:00.001+08:00

im not myself, not myself at all.

tumblr mania for now.

2010-12-10T09:45:00.004+08:00

take a leap of faith and jump(:

just another scar.

2010-12-08T23:35:00.001+08:00

ITS JUST ONE OF THOSE DAYS AND ONE OF THOSE TIMES. IM JUST SAD AND DOWN AND IM BROKEN INSIDE. IM TRYING TO SMILE AND TRYING TO BREATHE. BUT I KEEP IT ALL IN TO BE STRONGER THAN I SEEM.

whats the next move, whats the next move?!

the irony of it all.

2010-12-08T10:11:00.002+08:00

yeah i mean its true, i'm use to the disappointment, its when i don't get disappointed that i worry. getting the things that i dont normally get scares me. thats why i treasure every moment i can with the person i love. but im out of it now,

no love = normal life.

love=crazy emotional ride.

hahaha getting hurt never came as a surprise to me, its being happy that scares me.

FYP MADNESS

2010-12-06T16:09:00.001+08:00

its gonna be a nice long 3 mths(:

2010-12-06T11:28:00.001+08:00

PAST ON REWIND.

2010-12-06T01:17:00.001+08:00

hahah reading back on all the old post, i guess i was really happier before i had so much shit in my life, watching how ive grown and change. but the stories never change, im still the listening ear. the girl that's picked last , and the bestfriend to the guy that i might actually like.

same old same old, but different.

its a best friend kind of thing.

2010-12-05T21:43:00.003+08:00

dinner at Joe's place was AWESOME! he made my favorite! CHEESE PUFFS(: the most sinfully delicious treat ever! i feel like such a cheese slut when i think about it! hahahah AND thats most probably why im so damn fat! i had a nice sweet moment with _ hahaha laughing abt it with joe after that. and he even ask me," if he asked you, you'd say yes right?" and i was like "yeah most definitely." hahah and we just broke out laughing. sometimes Joe just doesn't seem all that old, even if he is 28.

met up with the seriously long lost church friends, my god brothers and childhood bestfriend. it was awesome trying to recall all the stuff that we use to do together we were great! claudia tan WAS AWESOME back then. hahaha we used to get in SO much trouble! hahahah, colin is still a studd!! my god brothers are still awesomely awesome people. hahah clara.. hahah clara is the great married woman working in a law firm. they are awesome. hahah cant wait for the next meet up! and im definitely gonna plan one! HAHAH.

so much drama in just a span of like 2 days. its just scary, i really didn't expect it at all. the drama with the bgf, im just glad its all over(: HIS HAPPY NOW, i seriously hope so.

no more drama for awhile, i need a break!

it is what it is.

2010-12-03T09:35:00.003+08:00

i know the pain but i go for it anyway, i donno why but it just started to seem a little different this time round. maybe i was wrong. but im not a fair judge. its not serious. and its not suppose to be serious. i just need something to keep my mind off things. and somehow its working.

im going back to being a zombie and im very happy about it. i slept at 3 last night and im still feeling okay today(: thats a good sign, need to start building up the stamina so that i can last till this fyp craze is over.

i wont deny it, the problem bugs me but i really tried, and im not going to anymore. it hurts too much and i just cant handle that kind of hurt. i cant take it. its too soon. having choo's problem helps to keep my mind occupied so thats good news to me. im feeling stressed over him which is better than feeling stress over my own problems.

he might have just save me.

thank god.

2010-12-02T20:21:00.002+08:00

it is what it is, it just hurts more than it should

2010-11-29T16:57:00.002+08:00

im finally back in school. its back to being a zombie, and im highly anticipating it! fyp is here and its ready for us to be stress over it ! the girls are back, the guys are back. its nice having the whole gang back together, we're all much closer now. its love(:

i have pengz sitting right beside me, muahaha and ryan too. i foresee lots of arguing with ryan and johnson but its cool. its all happy go lucky topics. lunch was awesome with them.

its really strange how i can manage to tell the person im interested in to go for the girl that he likes. knowing full well that its gonna crash and burn. i do hope that the other one sees how great he is. cause he really is. but its not my place, and its not for me to say. im forever on that friend level, and i allow myself to be placed there.

singlehood just got better(:

2010-11-15T00:44:00.002+08:00

hahah such a crazy girl i am(:

flea was awesome possum yesterday(: HAD LOTS OF FUN WITH THE GALS. i think our stall was most successfully all girls! there were like 8 of us!! Manda, Beatrice, Yilin, Pamela, Petra, Chole, Peiwen, and me! AHAH and i think we were super lucky cause even though we were late compared to our usual timings at getting to fleas, we were able to get a GOOD SPOT! and right beside me was the mother of the friend of FLB(: rawk my world! muahahha! so when she left earlier we got her table, AND CHAIRS. was in desperate need of chairs aching feet and tempting shoes from the stall behind. 5 bucks only~ so yeah anyways it was a good time, I DIDNT SPEND ANY MONEY ON CLOTHES, which im very proud to say is a job well done by me(: i met friends there, and found friends there and even made new friends(: BIG HUGS, didnt bring both DSLR or Polaroid to the flea cause there were too many things to carry SO there aren't ANY PHOTOS. emo. but tons of memories(:

outing with the beautiful ameera today(: LOVE HER, DUE DATE WAS HILARIOUS! LIKE SERIOUSLY! ahaha (:

LOVE AND SMILES ALL AROUND.

we'll never know?

2010-11-04T23:49:00.002+08:00

hmmmm do i feel anything for you? maybe, maybe not.

clarissa((:

2010-10-28T21:13:00.004+08:00

I WANNA FIND THAT SPECIAL SOMEONE WHERE I CAN TELL HIM EVERYTHING, FEEL EVERYTHING AND BE HAPPY ALL THE TIME WITHOUT WORRIES. I WANNA BE HAPPY AND IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO WOULD TREASURE ME AND NOT TAKE ME FOR GRANTED.

AHAHA,

to love someone who would put me before himself. THATS LIKE A MALE VERSION OF ME !~never had someone who would do that for me. so like joey says.

" wait pat, just wait for someone who would love you the way you love them, going against everything just to be with them, you have too big a heart. "

hahah i miss you clar(:

OCTOBER SKIES(:

2010-10-27T20:59:00.002+08:00

1 picture to describe my mood(:

hahah its been a long time since i blogged here. this blog has been demoted because of the history that it has. i donno what it means because i dont wanna delete this blog. i think its cause of the memories, which doesnt mean that its cause i miss him. but i just dont wanna delete everything away. its nice to look back and read it like story book. hahah.

i miss my girls, i think i never felt happier than when im with ameera and yana. the kind of laughter and fun and the mood, its real happiness. and i really miss them because of this fyp and internship shit. i hate that im the only one different from them. SIGH its like breaking some bond, HORRIBLE.

and just like the song,

' i could be in love but i just dont know.'

ahaha actually i think i could just be ignoring and refusing to be in love.

RAWR

2010-10-13T09:22:00.002+08:00

im behaving like a crazy women, im not making any sense and im exploding every now and then. DAMN I SERIOUSLY NEED TO STOP AND BREATH. hahah im not making sense and its my own head on the chopping block. who does that. rawr. MAKE SENSE PAT, MAKE SOME FREAKING SENSE.

LOVE LIFE - 0
FRIENDSHIP - 100

im okay, im happy and i dont need anyone.

i like your stupid jokes and retarded faces.

2010-10-11T16:30:00.003+08:00

its annoying that my table is shaking and vibrating like 24/7 becuase of the consturction next door. its especially annoying becuase i keep thinking that it might be a text from you-know-who. and it affects me because i shouldnt even be WAITING for a text. im suppose to let it be.

my mood isnt totally affected by what i saw in my old post. my moods fairly normal, yes my stomach twisted when i saw the photos. but im okay, okay with it.

the best thoughts of you are the ones we made when we went out together for the first time, and the webcam conversation we have all the time. i like you, like that i can be happy all the time with you!

2010-10-11T16:27:00.001+08:00

i wanna make new memories. new memories with someone else.

abit

2010-09-03T22:49:00.003+08:00

i actually do miss the good times i use to have with you guys. you guys were always there to make me laugh. nat especially nat. you dont see how important you are to me, you dont see how i try so hard to make you open up sometimes. take your moodswings and whatever attitude you may give me. all because i believe that deep down theres a reason we're really goodfriends. your important all of you are important. you guys are the people who made me feel so much better when eugene dumped me without reason. so yes you guys are important.

its just that recently i feel like i give you guys too much and i expect the same.

the important people.

2010-09-03T04:19:00.007+08:00

for the people who matter to me, the people who walk the journey with me. the people who come into my lives when i need them the most.

i am truly grateful.

BGF FTW (:

2010-09-03T01:24:00.004+08:00

seriously need to thank choo for calling me just now. that one phone call from him made me realise that i have a person who would bother that im upset. which is very comforting for me. im thankful for someone like you who can make me laugh. and thankful for how close we've gotten, so fast. thanks. i honestly never expected a friend from you, a friendship like ours where we trust each other with our secrets and we constantly can just talk cock with each other. its not the friendship where we worry about love, its the friendship where we just know that we're there for each other always. i hate you for always annoying me the same way you hate me for always nagging at you. hahaha but its good, its the good annoyance.

so thanks, thanks for being so great.

ps: like seriously every fucking photo of me looks damn effing gross.

who would've have thought.

2010-09-02T21:59:00.003+08:00

its been damn long since i used my blogger, reading all the old post looking at how naive i use to be. im an idiot. like seriously. i seriously should have seen the signs. you never wanted to be with me. when you broke up with me the first time i shld have got that figured out. you didnt want me. but its okay. im okay.

i loved you, loved. really did loved you and to what extent im sure you know how much. i was one of those dumb girls who would DO anything for you but its okay.

im happy now, ive got the bgz, ive got my classmates, i've got the db-boys, canoeboys. ill live.

ohhh i love my bestfriend now, his such an asshole to me A WHOLE LOT OF TIMES. but i love him. makes me laugh and all that. the best part of having him around. i dont have to worry about falling in love with him. cause i wont. and he wont fall for me too. so its one of those friendships where i know theres nothing to WORRY ABOUT.

life's been boring too, since everyone else is having exams and im free. i just work): hahah watching drama's and series to keep me occupied. shopping and accompanying the boys when they have to study. their really nice for keeping me company even though they have to study too. hahah thanks J&J BIG LOVES FROM THE PAT.

in love(:

2010-03-18T10:19:00.002+08:00

heh heh (: im so in love with my LJ layout(: i wanna update like every single mintue!

i thank addie so so much i freaking swear, cause its looking so nice ALL THANKS to her! hahah

veeeeday (:

2010-02-15T23:37:00.002+08:00

perfect presents from the boy(: hahah

LIKE CAREBEAR WITH IRONON NAME((:

BOUQUET OF FLOWERS(:

PERFECT HANDMADE CARD(:

hahah i always tell him i dont allow him to buy me flowers cause its a waste of money but..... OMG I AM SO HAPPY!!!! *happydance:B

bestdate in a long time (:

i love you smelly.

2010-02-08T00:43:00.002+08:00

2010-01-15T11:02:00.001+08:00

WHATEVER,

2010-01-10T19:18:00.005+08:00

i hate this space! so god damn ugly!

like me.

i just decided im gonna change into somebody i myself cant even stand.

i want to start school and have crazy submission week, then i don't have to eat cause ill be too god damn stress. not like last semester, emotionally unstable with all my heartbreak shitz... but whatever, everything's a-okayyy now. 'cept for the fact im falling sick again, i think i might spread to my classmates tmr. highly possible.

i need to shop, like shopshop. i want to have new clothes and my stupid skirt that i just cant seem to find. i swear ally im gonna steal it from you! you better put it in your safe or something. HAHHAHAHAH someone please go shopping with me(:

i need to buy like 2 kinds of bags plus clothes plus maybe another pair of jeans and few tanks. DAMN i need alot of THINGS. moneymoney come and be my bestfriend(:

and i miss you asshole, hope you're feeling better

love you crazy psychotic girlfriend.

HAHAHA.

anger management

2010-01-10T17:32:00.004+08:00

i hate that you scold me for smt that I SHLDNT NEED TO DO, but its my JOB just because im the god damn only freaking ass daughter in the family.

i hate that you just accuse me of everything and when you find out you're in the wrong you go " but i never scold you i just BLAH BLAH BLAH..." blah blah blah my ass.

hate that you dont understand why i want to meet him, HELLO his not well. and if i didnt give a damn to what you have to say, i would have just lied and went and not tell you the truth. WAKE UP AND SMELL THE ROSES.

if blogger had those mood things like livejournal

mine would be : DANGER! STAY THE FUCK AWAY .

black and white (:

2010-01-02T21:12:00.016+08:00

happy new year(:

2009 came and went by..

filled with so many ups and downs and so many things to be thankful for. ive learnt alot this year. good and bad. things i never thought i would ever do but ive done and things that will never be erased from memory. friends made and friendships broken. friends that were always there but in the background. time to grow up and mature. to let go and move on when its time. and to forgive and forget.

to all the friends,

friends i might have crossed the line with im sorry, i guess anger got the better of me. im pretty sure i never really meant all the mean things i said. i do hope we can be friends again(: and to all the friends that were lost along the way, ill find my way back(: cause friendship's an important thing to me. and i really dont want to lose you forever. to friends who went further with me but didnt work out i still love you ((: haha but im sure between the both of us we agree.... being friends is truly the better option(: and to friends who mean the world to me. friends that stood by me and help me when life just pretty much sucked beyond the grave. i really am thankful to have had you there with me as i climbed up and out from the un-dead. and im always there for you too, for anything. bro's and girlfriends for life. and to you that special asshole that did got further. i love you more than anyone else and you know that better than anybody else(:

2010 is here and now

and i dont want to foresee what will happen as like what everyone tries to do. im gonna take you one step at a time and pray, pray that everything would be alright. i mean whats the point of setting resolutions that im pretty sure we all know you're gonna break. so why not just take life as it comes and see which road you're pointed too.

come what may and carpe diem

thanksgiving!!

2010-01-02T13:01:00.003+08:00

hee i love my new heels, even though im still not tall enough)):

bad day. VERY BAD DAY.

2009-12-28T17:36:00.001+08:00

im not skinny and not pretty.

no lean body and no long hair.

so why are you still here?

just walk away.

i know you want to.

forever and a day.

2009-12-27T21:25:00.002+08:00

ive been having nightmares. terrible nightmares. scarily real and almost believable dreams. i dont ever want to go back to those places. to those situations and i dont want to wake up crying anymore. its too heartbreaking.

i hate menses. seriously.

effed up toenail finally out.

get ingredients for spaghetti (:

stop moodswinging at everyone.

ipod touch ):

dress

corset

SKIRT.

PAIN, and not just in my toes.

2009-12-24T01:39:00.003+08:00

how do i know if any decision i make is correct?

how do i know that everything will be alright?

hate my toe nail too by the way. cause its so painful. OMG. the blood clot. and everytime i move my legs under the blanket. THAT STUPID TOENAIL brushes across the blanket and sends like INFINITE amounts of pain to my brain!!!

I WANT TO CHOP YOU OFF.

2009-12-20T23:28:00.000+08:00

i want a corset top as well. and new heels. and a few more dresses. hahaha. i just want my pay.

christmas wish...

2009-12-20T22:51:00.002+08:00

i want ipod touch. i want ipod touch. i want ipod touch.i want ipod touch. i want ipod touch. i want ipod touch.i want ipod touch. i want ipod touch. i want ipod touch.i want ipod touch. i want ipod touch. i want ipod touch.i want ipod touch. i want ipod touch. i want ipod touch.i want ipod touch. i want ipod touch. i want ipod touch.i want ipod touch. i want ipod touch. i want ipod touch.i want ipod touch. i want ipod touch. i want ipod touch.i want ipod touch. i want ipod touch. i want ipod touch.i want ipod touch. i want ipod touch. i want ipod touch.i want ipod touch. i want ipod touch. i want ipod touch.i want ipod touch. i want ipod touch. i want ipod touch.i want ipod touch. i want ipod touch. i want ipod touch.i want ipod touch. i want ipod touch. i want ipod touch.i want ipod touch. i want ipod touch. i want ipod touch.i want ipod touch. i want ipod touch. i want ipod touch.i want ipod touch. i want ipod touch. i want ipod touch.i want ipod touch. i want ipod touch. i want ipod touch.i want ipod touch. i want ipod touch. i want ipod touch.i want ipod touch. i want ipod touch. i want ipod touch.i want ipod touch. i want ipod touch. i want ipod touch.i want ipod touch. i want ipod touch. i want ipod touch.i want ipod touch. i want ipod touch. i want ipod touch.i want ipod touch. i want ipod touch. i want ipod touch..

sigh i really want a ipod touch ):

not single not available but not attached. talked about COMPLICATED.

zombie.

2009-12-14T21:34:00.004+08:00

Things i Hate

the terrace.
my room
my sofa
my kitchen
the stairs behind my house
the suana
the toilet
the pool
the playroom
the spot outside my condo near the rubbish bin
the bus stop
the 7elevan
MY LIFE.

things i like

i cant think of any.

how many times i bump my head today -3.

how many times i accidentally swung and hit my arm into smt -2

how many times i puked today - 2

how many times i cried today - none.

accomplishment?

NOT

JUST A FREAKING LIE TO MYSELF AND MY STUPID EXCUSE OF A LIFE.

SIGH, i wasnt suppose to blog wasnt suppose to use the laptop I NEED TO RUN AWAY. far far away.

AND NO, i havent told anyone anything.

hellooooo happy world!

2009-12-11T16:07:00.000+08:00

over over over over over over overover over over over over over overover over over over over over overover over over over over over overover over over over over over overover over over over over over overover over over over over over overover over over over over over overover over over over over over overover over over over over over overover over over over over over overover over over over over over overover over over over over over overover over over over over over over

CDD IS OVER!!! happy person!! ((:

CANNOT WAIT!!!

2009-12-11T13:54:00.003+08:00

hee im wearing my favourite dress today (: giggles.

cant wait for today to just END. no more stupid projects that causes us to not sleep for the whole week. i have panda eyes and a really bad eating habit thanks to this project. i want my appetite and my retardness back. cant wait for next week (:

whooo.

fight for this love.

2009-12-11T11:40:00.006+08:00

omgness i just stick my hand into a garbage bin! hahah cause i like some toot throw away my receip haha. omgness damn gross. but im so thankful that there was nothing gross in it. hahahah never doing that again. never ever((:

im really glad that you like talk to me, i was worried for you, i really was. you sent me something like that obviously ill be worried. dont scare me like that please. ive had enough of scares from you. worrying comes so naturally it amazes me. hahah

Too much of anything can make you sick
Even the good can be a curse (curse)
Makes it hard to know which road to go down
Knowing too much can get you hurt.

Is it better? Is it worse?
Always sitting in reverse
It's just like we're going backwards.

I know where I want this to go
We're driving fast but lets go slow
But I don't want us to crash no.

Just know you're not in this thing alone
There's always a place in me that you can call home
Whenever you feel like we're growing apart
Let's just go back, back, back, back, back to the start.

Anything that's worth having
Is sure enough worth fighting for
Quiting's out of the question
When it gets tough, gotta fight some more.

We gotta fight, fight, fight, fight, fight for this love
We gotta fight, fight, fight, fight, fight for this love
We gotta fight, fight, fight, fight, fight for this love
If it's' worth having, it's worth fighting for (Oh).

Now everyday ain't gon' be no picnic
Love aint no walk in the park
All you can do is make the best of it now
Can't be afraid of the dark.

Just know you're not in this thing alone
There's always a place in me that you can call home
Whenever you feel like we're growing apart
Let's just go back, back, back, back, back to the start.

Anything that's worth having
Is sure enough worth fighting for
Quiting's out of the question
When it gets tough, gotta fight some more.

We gotta fight, fight, fight, fight, fight for this love
We gotta fight, fight, fight, fight, fight for this love
We gotta fight, fight, fight, fight, fight for this love
If it's worth having, it's worth fighting for (Oh).

I don't know where we're heading
I'm willing and ready to go.

We've been driving so fast
We just need to slow down
And just role.

Anything that's worth having
Is sure enough worth fighting for
Quiting's out of the question
When it gets tough, gotta fight some more.

We gotta fight, fight, fight, fight, fight for this love
We gotta fight, fight, fight, fight, fight for this love
We gotta fight, fight, fight, fight, fight for this love
If it's worth having, it's worth fighting for (Oh).

We gotta fight, fight, fight, fight, fight for this love
We gotta fight, fight, fight, fight, fight for this love
We gotta fight, fight, fight, fight, fight for this love
It's worth having, it's worth fighting for (Oh...).

ms clumsy I AM.

2009-12-11T00:28:00.003+08:00

its that time of the year again): my skin's getting dry and everything seems to be peeling. hurts so bad at my finger tips ): and i seem to be getting more clumsy i keep banging my hand on things and ramming my legs into a wall or a table and hitting my head into the cupboard or something. sleep is like my new bestfriend. i just want to have more sleep.

is it bad that i love you still?

23rd.

2009-12-10T21:33:00.002+08:00

hmm when im truly alone then it hits me. i really have been trying very hard cause i think i miss you. i know that i love you still. sigh, i use to have thoughts that maybe you're just waiting for me to breakdown and come crawling back to you again. i know you want me to leave you alone, so i have been doing that. but i know i love you still even if im not suppose to tell you. i do. i really do still love you. you know i was thinking about what i should get for you for christmas. but then it hit me again, you're not with me anymore and you probably wouldnt want me too give you anything also. i know you didnt see me in your future so i have to accept that. but i did see you in mine, so i guess i have to rewrite and dream up another future.

i wish you happiness this christmas that you'll always be safe, be happy and be glad with everything you have.

GROW UP FOR GOD'S SAKE!

2009-12-10T13:25:00.003+08:00

i dont like whats going on. DONT LIKE IT ONE BIT.

everyone's changing and i just cant seem to catch up.

edited-

i had lunch with yana baby, ameera whiner and pauline looloo. HAHAHAH craved for mcspicy and i ate it. happy me (: we laughed we joked and i talked about what we wanted to do when we finish poly. i want so much to just be with children all day long. i really want to just play with them and take care of them. i wonder if ill be driven mad. hahahah i cant wait for kyrie chie to come back!! hahah then i can finally go to her house and see the cute little BABIES! i miss them so much. i hope i get to have kids when i grow up.

cant wait for tmr,cant wait for tmr,cant wait for tmr,cant wait for tmr,cant wait for tmr,cant wait for tmr,cant wait for tmr,cant wait for tmr,cant wait for tmr,cant wait for tmr,cant wait for tmr,cant wait for tmr,cant wait for tmr,cant wait for tmr,cant wait for tmr,cant wait for tmr,cant wait for tmr,cant wait for tmr,cant wait for tmr.

giggles (:

3 notes for 3 very different people.

2009-12-10T00:40:00.005+08:00

the people who truly care about you, they take a step back into the background just so that they can have a bigger picture of what is going on with you. so that when you need them they know just want to say and how to say it

friends are important to me, i just never quite let that fact sink in.im so much stronger than i was before.and i hope you're fine((:

and i hope YOU, that stupid ass will start talking to me soon, cause as you can see im going a bit nuts that we aren't friends anymore. as crazy as the last time you saw me.

christmas wish.

2009-12-10T00:15:00.003+08:00

all i want for christmas is for me and you to be bestfriend's again.

everything else im going through i can put it on hold.

7 am in school tmr): SIGH.

wish i had a genie who would help me with work.

one more week.

IM AWAKE(:

2009-12-09T20:24:00.003+08:00

2 things i need to do tonight.

POT DESIGN.
SLEEP.

hahahah. wish i could run away, maybe i should wear my contacts then ill stay awake better. no coffee tonight, im banned from it): i took away my tagboard so please leave a comment. hahah

GRRR I NEED SLEEP 4 hours is not enough.

zombie girl signing out (: HAHAHA

2009-12-09T14:15:00.004+08:00

i lost track on when i stopped eating, but i'm estactic that im finally able to sleep(:
not sleeping for like 24 hours and more is seriously not a good thing. especially since i'm so prone to falling sick. grrr was sitting at the bus stop waiting for daryl to come get me when it started to rain. my mind started to drift i don't look back and regret anymore. cause i know i'm not at fault. there was a 2nd chance but it just didn't work out. the first thought that did come to mind " damn i need a jacket." hahahah and preferably one that ACTUALLY FITS ME. heee i have too many oversize ones. hahaha. shopping on friday is the one thing im excited about for this WHOLE week.

im off to bed now, have to get up again and 6 plus 7. to start doing pdp. probably not sleeping again tonight. ):

i dropped a dress size, maybe 1 and a half dress size(: cause i could fit into my polka dotted dress really easily.

2009-12-09T07:29:00.001+08:00

im in school already.Feeling tired sleepy hungry and sick. and i still have work later after lessons. Not a very happy girl):

crazy allnighters.

2009-12-09T06:17:00.003+08:00

heading to school soon with estelle and friend. hahahahahah secret society member whose name i cannot reveal. so so so very sleepy!!!!!!! estelle agrees(:

first time not sleeping at ALL. and im going to school in my pyjamas!! too lazy to change.

sleeping pattern's whacked - diet's whacked - my whole life's whacked!

2009-12-09T04:13:00.003+08:00

i wish life would be easier, wishing for that feeling where there was someone around who cared about what the hell i'm doing with my life. or why the hell i'm still awake. hahahahah

SHERYL HAS OFFICIALLY GONE MAD(:

hahaha and i think im happy with my life. OH-EM-GEE which reminds me.

I HAVENT EATEN!

hahahahaha OMGNESS. i can just picture yana and ameera wanting to slap me tomorrow. or technically later in about 3 hours. hahahah

crazy!

2009-12-09T04:00:00.001+08:00

freaking 4 am in the morning this is stupid!

hmmm at least i dont have those chest pains tonight(:

dedicated to my bff and my bro!

2009-12-09T01:35:00.008+08:00

happiness is found not made treasure what you have before its gone.

ohhh happy 1 year bff((:

im jealous i dont even have anyone.

but im happy for you(:

BOTH OF YOU BE GOOD TOO EACH OTHER ALRIGHTS.

IM ALWAYS HERE (:

anotheranother sleepless night.

2009-12-09T00:27:00.003+08:00

omgness i think im not gonna sleep tonight and estelle is right beside me IN MY HOUSE! hahahah. i have this strange feeling that we'll keep singing through the night. hhahah i want to have someone who will care about me not having enough rest. hahaha but its okay...

CHRISTMAS I CANT WAIT!

2009-12-08T13:59:00.002+08:00

woke up this morning with the piercing pain at my chest again. have no idea whats wrong with it. the cream isnt really helping. hmm surprisingly the first thought that came to mind today was me thinking about why arent you talking to me. and that you arent okay about sunday's match. im sure you played your best(: SIGHH i wish we would be okay so that we can start hanging out again. wish you happiness this christmas okay(: that you get over your ex, or pluck up the courage to tell her that you love her (: if you dont want to talk to me its okay. im always here for you. hahah stupid boyboy.

crazy work life.

2009-12-08T00:40:00.002+08:00

with everything piling, i wish for this to come true):

this would be the how many time this year that ive been too tired and too stressed out. i stayed in school till about 10 cause i had to do the stupid cdd work. i hate the stupid can crusher. its like taking up so much of my time and its driving me crazy. was doing it halfway and then my heart started to hurt a really sharp piercing pain. couldnt breathe couldnt even stand or walk. i called my dad immediately. he wanted me to cab down to a clinic immediately but i just sat there stressing about the project and totally just not listening to him. even haoxin and estelle were worried. estelle wanted to call me dad for me. hahah after everything we left about 930 and me and estelle headed to cheers to have instant noodles. she bought curry flavour and i bought spicy seafood. the spicy seafood wasnt spicy! it was like TASTELESS. hahah lucky estelle only added half a packet of her seasoning in her noodles so i could add into mine. my noodles ended up tasting like hers. hahah lucky me i guess. giggles(:

dad brought me to the doctor in the end the doctor said it was nothing serious but it still hurts i cant breathe properly. and yes im worried. worried that its more than that. but oh wells, work is just terrible. finally got home at 11plusplus. sigh and i still have so much to do. life couldnt get any worst seriously. oh it could cause i just remembered that i still have pdp, bpm and eucd to do. OMG i need a time machine. nono a stop watch. one that would actually stop time for me to do work. i think i wont have to sleep for the next 2 days and that would mean that i cant go clubbing on wednesday): sigh and i was lookng forward to it. this sucks man.

depressing much?

pancakes anyone?

2009-12-07T14:57:00.005+08:00

im wishing for pancakes(:

hee, went home to change during break cause i forgot that i had to wear jeans and covered shoes today. hahah i could fit like much easier into my clubmarc jeans. whoooo. according to auntie judith i look much better now(: WHOOO . need to do smt about my hair though its starting to curl! hahahah the woes of a short hair girl with natural hair curl. well theres a brightside though its only curling on the right side?! my left side is still perfectly straight. hahah so i guess my left profile would be the best? sigh school's not that interesting today. maybe it was fun when i could argue with ben about flies. haha and that dongdong is rather entertaining with his stupid smses to me about friday. and later when he has his MAKE UP DATE WITH SOME GIRL. hahah hope you get rape(: hahahaha

if only i could extend the days longer i would spend every single day going out and shopping and then work. haha i need to prioritise my self it shld be work first. sigh. hate doing that stupid can crusher. seriously. it really sucks. hahaha

sunshine

2009-12-07T10:21:00.004+08:00

mr sunshine (:

by benedict heo(:

heee got this photo from bro. hahah its so damn cute.

my constant reminder to be happy cause your friends get hurt when they see you upset. so im living my life the opposite of what i feel.

tell yourself its a goodday and it will be. hahah

ben you can be sunshine boy okay.

macritchie.

2009-12-06T23:27:00.003+08:00

hee, went to see the winter league people today(: sigh im hoping for some stuff to change. i miss having him ard to cheer me up. ): left at 4 to meet someone else.

sitting there by the reservoir was the most calming and relaxing thing ive done all week. just sitting there with a dodobird who would listen to whatever i would have to say help me realise some stuff. it was nice to just sit there and talk, talk about anything and everything to help each other feel better about out own problems. it was great. we sat there from 5-8. hahah i wish i could just sit there and not have to go anywhere else.

hate school.

flowerdress.

2009-12-06T12:03:00.002+08:00

i woke up this morning with my head hurting then i rmb i bumped my head like 3 TIMES yesterday. hahah like a toot. no wonder it hurts so much. i think theres this big baluku on my head! hahah. i think im getting more clumsy, keep knocking into things like literally ramming my knee into the table or wall. swinging my hands and slamming it against like a door or smt. hahah i need to stop doing that seriously. hahah and im wearing my new dress today ((: HEEE so happy.

shop shop shop.

I HATE CDD. ):

hee but ryan said he'll help me tmr(: YES!!!

burgerrrrrrrrrrs(:

2009-12-05T23:33:00.002+08:00

hhahah more photos on facebook!!! go seee((:

today was FUNNN.. wasnt fun when i first woke up though.. i hate waking up in the morning. headed to tekka market! OMGNESS its so freaking nice there. bought all the stuff for the burgers and the bbq at night. heee i took so many photos today. i love myself! hahahah THEN we headed back to joe's house to prepare the stuff. heee i clean the sotong and made the BURGER PATTIES! haha damn freaking fun!

cant wait for tmr.

hope you'll be safe tmr(:

scissor paper stone.

2009-12-04T23:43:00.002+08:00

i decided to go for gl training instead of church meeting. heehee. gl training was fun, cant wait for the picturess. hahaha saw so many people. had such a nice talk with stozer. like my bigger brother. ((: ohh and boyboy talk to me today((: happy girl.

hur fun things aside back to reality so much work. this weekend no need sleep)):

crazy impossible amounts of homework.

2009-12-04T15:43:00.002+08:00

im going crazy.

so stressed out by every single thing.

for school work cdd is right at the top, with insane requirements to meet and impossible calculations to do. all hell breaks lose every day stressing about it.

then we have eucd with its endless supply of reports and summary. one after another.

and then there is still matters of the heart.

OMG.

i just want to run away have a holiday and start a new life.

fly away, to a place where no one knows me. live in a new country a new state without having the need to look back. study what i want to study. do what i want to do and live how i want to live.

i need a break.

break from waking up every morning and having this sad life slap me in the face.

im beginning to become a shopaholic. spending money buying clothes just so that i dont think about everything else.

im actually looking forward to going clubbing. hoping that i actually can complete everything in time to go. just let loose on one night and have everything thats been giving me a fucked up time just go far far away. one night to let anything that happens to happen. fucking get rape also can. hahahaha okay im really crazy now. i want to kill my lecturer. and then kill myself. stupid workkk.

crap

2009-12-04T10:20:00.002+08:00

i know i say i want to move on and i want to let go. but seriously how do i do that. how do i even start to just walk out of this hole that i tried so hard to crawl out off the first time and then i fell into the same hole again. honestly.

things i need to do.

-really stick to 1 direction im heading.

- shop

-finish up all my work.

-stop dreaming about things that wont happen.

-be happy.

-be freaking happy

-be fucking happy.

really need to be be happy.

i donno what i want.

just give up on this shit life already.

time to grow up.

2009-12-02T21:03:00.002+08:00

start over and do over, everything has come to a point where im standing right here. in the middle of 2 roads. and i need to make a choice. not the easiest and not the hardest. not the simplest yet seemingly difficult. to move forward or to stay and contemplate on what if's and what could have been is'nt going to help me. i've done things that im not proud off and said things i'm shy to admit. with you everything felt like a fairytale and then a ticking time bomb. i am disappointed with myself for every wrong thing that ive done. i want to move on but somehow or another i find a little piece of you stuck on me and making it just so much harder. im trying, i really am but my ability to forget you and think of the bigger picture can only do that much. im hoping that you can see where im coming from, hoping that you'll not be so self righteous, everyone makes mistakes and its time for us BOTH to admit that we've made mistakes.

time to let it go and mature.

letting go doesnt mean i dont love you.

letting go means im giving up the idea that we will get back together.

i want you as my friend.

2009-12-02T18:00:00.001+08:00

you deleted me off everything in your life.

do you really hate me that much.

could you be less hostile.

2009-12-02T10:40:00.001+08:00

everything is seriously so screwed up.

could you try?

friends?

i tried

2009-12-02T08:37:00.000+08:00

im trying. i walked away, cause i know you didnt want to see me.

my one last try.

2009-12-01T18:55:00.003+08:00

after everything, i just want us to be friends. i dont want things to be like how edmund says, i dont want us to end up hating each other and everything being so damn fucked up. i want us to be friends in the future. not now. but in the future. i know i didnt handle things well and i apologise. but will you and can you please let us be friends. since you dont want us to be lovers. let us be friends?

you're not bad and your not mean, your not an asshole and your not a jerk. you're eugene and i want to be your friend.

seriously.

please?

enough.

2009-12-01T14:45:00.001+08:00

i cant love you anymore. .

cause its just pushing you further away from me.

and honestly thats the last thing i want to happen to me.

so no more no more.

im not gonna push anymore.

no more drifting to you.

gotta start a new.

start a new chapter.

get on with life.

dedicated to you.

2009-11-30T14:38:00.004+08:00

what he said was true, as long as in the relationship you're the one who loves the other party more than the other one loves you. you'll ALWAYS be on the losing end. because its true. you're the only one who cant live without the other person.
you really move on so quickly.
and again im the only one left behind.

doesnt matter how much i love you.

i chose to leave you, yes true. but all you said was 'ok' thats all.

thats all you ever say.

2009-11-30T13:21:00.001+08:00

who in the right mind wouldnt be pissed with what you just did.

2009-11-29T20:13:00.000+08:00

i choose to walk away yet im the only one feeling hurt.
you dont care.